but this i know with all my heart -- His wounds have paid my ransom"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Proverbs 31:8-9 (NIV)
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Original: 5/8/2007 5:51 PM
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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Dork

 

Saint Louis, MO

at Olin Library

Estimated average time to read this post: three minutes (plus a 30-second commercial)

Praise God!  Finals are over, though I admittedly felt like this these past few weeks:

Photo - Kid Getting Pooped On  

Now it's time to visit one of my favorite persons!, where I hope to put San Francisco's reputation (referenced here) to the test and emulate this:

  SF is followed by a roadtrip to see two of my little sisters, am back in Saint Louis for various graduations, and then it's off to Boston on May 21st! 

*****

I am a nerd.  Growing up in a household where Celsius was as common as Fahrenheit and in a state where the Richter scale was ever present, I was acutely aware of units of measure from a young age.  I remember thinking how cool it was that the kilogram actually exists as a physical artifact -- and that there's an entire scientific society dedicated to the art of measuring things.  Imagine my surprise, then, when I first learned that units of measure could be named after people -- Alessandro Volta, for instance.  Whoa.  Talk about larger-than-life...!

Alas, despite my awesome grades in elementary school (oh, I miss thee!), I knew even then that scientific greatness and similar canonization-in-a-unit-of-measure would forever allude me.  It was only when I headed to college that the dream was rekindled in the legend of an MIT student who lay end-to-end on the Massachusetts Avenue bridge to gauge its length one magnificent night.  The final tally stood at 364.4 "smoots" (and one ear) -- and thus was born this newest unit of measure.

For years I was inspired by the story and yearned for a similarly unique claim to smoot-like glory, yet could think of nothing that could be measured that hadn't been measured already.  Energy?  (I have a lot.)  Pressure?  (It varies.)  Depth?  (Cheesy.)  Dress size?  (None of your business!)

*****

I am a dork.  Am at the Urbana conference, watching truly-geographically-distinct, previously-un-connected groups of friends get together to lament of revel in my joke-telling habit when it suddenly hits me: Why not use a modified version of the Richter scale to describe what folk from Seoul to Boston today call "a Shim joke"?  Brilliant!

Now, after an intense semester of scrutiny and study, the SRI Institute's division of weights and measures proudly presents the Shim Scale (as with all my pictures, click it to make it bigger): 

Picture - Shim Scale     

Please don't be confused by its similarity to this!  The Shim Scale, while of equal scientific caliber and authority as the Richter Scale, is quite different in scope simply because it measures something pleasurable -- the puns, stories, play-on-words and pirate jokes that are the hallmark of good humor.

No longer must you rely on vague, color-coded labels from the Department of Homeland Security!  With the Shim Scale, you can accurately describe just how bad good a given Shim joke is.  Use it freely and use it often -- if only to properly warn the poor sops who lovingly, patiently submit themselves to this each day.  Future wife (Lord willing), be forewarned!       

*****

Link of the week: a humorous take on the Biblical way to find a spouse.

Next week: I Pray Thomas Ricks Is No Prophet

 Posted 5/8/2007 5:51 PM - 32 Views - 18 eProps - 10 comments

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10 Comments

Visit Diana513's Xanga Site!
haa ha haa! I loved reading the Biblical way to find a spouse! So funny!
Posted 5/8/2007 10:05 PM by Diana513 - reply

Visit pfinesong's Xanga Site!
"I am a nerd"

"I am a dork"

Third line should be:

"I am...MRM!"
Posted 5/9/2007 12:09 AM by pfinesong - reply

Visit dee_dub_u's Xanga Site!
i admire you. 
Posted 5/9/2007 1:49 AM by dee_dub_u Xanga True Member - reply

Visit aaronim's Xanga Site!
dude. can't believe you made that chart...but pretty accurate though! congrats on finishing btw.
Posted 5/9/2007 2:00 AM by aaronim Xanga Lifetime Member - reply

Visit amle's Xanga Site!
congrats chris!!  too bad you won't be in town when i swing thru stl. 
Posted 5/9/2007 7:24 AM by amle - reply

Visit sangnas's Xanga Site!

the epic battle between you and Pb with puns is still spoken of in whispers...

Posted 5/9/2007 7:25 AM by sangnas - reply

Visit noino's Xanga Site!
ha.. i remember your poor puns.. are you still shim shim heh? ugh.. but yeah pb has the all time record. you should really have, "on a scale from zero to pastor brian, how bad are your jokes"? =)
Posted 5/9/2007 12:59 PM by noino - reply

Visit hsinster's Xanga Site!

congrats on your finals! wow, you are verifiably a nerd... a funny one tho! now what about the natural log graph of this graph? would it be a straight line? ;)

Posted 5/10/2007 12:19 AM by hsinster - reply

Visit Johnkangw's Xanga Site!
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

DANGIT why didn't I add that to the contract! HAHA
Posted 5/10/2007 2:54 AM by Johnkangw - reply

Visit yeabirfday's Xanga Site!
you (and many other people "Seoul to Boston") know well that there already exists a Shim index, so I think you've already had your named-thing. Can't go confusing people, after all.
Posted 5/10/2007 9:25 PM by yeabirfday - reply


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